FFS

Last night I had a bit of a scare.  I won’t go into details, but despite being a bit anxious, I got to sleep alright.  I woke up as usual without any real pain, but an urgency, and two rapid repeats of the incident I experienced before going to bed.   This was something new, i.e another new symptom, and I wasn’t sure what to do.

I put a call into my GI’s secretary leaving a message on the answering machine, went on the support group at Facebook where I was advised to get a duty doctor appointment with my GP.   I wasn’t really feeling the urgency but thought it prudent.  I telephoned and spoke to the girl on the desk and she told me to come up in the next five (5) minutes.   I duly arrived, waited the compulsory 40 minutes to see the doctor – I do feel sorry for on-call doctors and their ever-growing list of patients.   We went through the last 18 hours step by step, and she duly checked my stats and noted my raised temperature.   I explained my meds, the fact I am scheduled to have an MRI and bone density scan in the next week with antibiotics to start immediately after.   The GP booked me in for some urgent blood tests, and wanted to sign me off work for a week, at which point I started to feel the seriousness of my situation, and anxiety ensued.

I actually don’t have any sick days left at work – 2013 being the year my symptoms worsened – so I am unsure what to do.   I am somewhat adrift.  I figured if I wasn’t in pain, things couldn’t be that bad, right?   I mean, I normally get pain, lots of it, along with any other symptoms, so as there was no pain I wasn’t sure this was a matter for concern.  Perhaps I was fooling myself to keep myself calm?  I don’t know.   Now, I really am anxious – not about this new development, but how I’m going to pay my rent, for food, my bills if I have to take any significant time away from work.  I don’t have any savings for emergencies as I am on a DMP.  I certainly don’t have access to a week’s salary.  I just can’t afford to take any more time off.   Even if I do take the next week off, how do I cope if I need more time off later in the year?

My Crohn’s seems to have taken a nasty turn this year.  Prior to Spring 2013, it was in steady decline, but I was managing.    If my condition continues to decline, especially at this rate, I will, once again, be in dire straits because of my health.   There is little I can do apart from pester my doctors; even then, this is an auto-immune disease with no cure, only management available.

So much for reducing stress which can aggravate an acute episode.  At least venting on this blog will release some of my anxiety.    I am (as ever) hopeful of a speedy resolution.

Wishing my readers slàinte mhath (good health).

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