Sometimes I just don’t understand my dis-ease. I’ve had a good week, a great week for me. I’ve even managed to get in some light exercise without the usual interruptions. So, dear reader, you can understand why I was on a high and not expecting to have a flare.
I went to bed this morning, feeling fine actually, but found I couldn’t get to sleep. Something was up, but I had no clue what. Then, it started. A small pain at first, not too bad, but it didn’t feel like it was going to get worse. I was so very, very wrong. By 9.30 a.m. I had taken pain killers, been up and down visiting the bathroom more times than I can count, and wondered if I would get any sleep. I did, but it was interrupted a few times.
I woke to my first alarm at 14.00, utterly exhausted. I turned the alarm off, then turned over and waited for the second alarm, but I didn’t get back to sleep. Second alarm at 15.00: I got up to prepare for work. As soon as I stood up, I realised this episode hadn’t finished. I had an immediate pain in my abdomen – stabbing, sharp, searing – it spread quickly, and by the time I got to the bathroom, the cramps kicked in, too, but there was no real eruption. Add tenesmus to the symptoms.
I managed to shower and get ready for work, but as departure time drew near, the intensity increased, despite having taken my new favourite pain-killer, Co-Codamol. The tension in my abdomen, combined with the pain and the cramps, gave me the feeling of a volcano waiting to explode. I reluctantly called work and said tonight would be a miss.
I’m so angry, because I’ve only had two sick days this year and this is exceptional for me (and my dis-ease). All that is now in tatters, because I’ve now got two sick days in one month. It’s stupid, but I feel like crying. Why? Why, when I’ve had such a good week, and such a good work record this year?
Now, I’m writing this between interruptions, with the tension rising, but no relief apparently forthcoming, and another 24 hours without food. I just know it’s going to get worse before it gets better, and I’m not looking forward to it.