Frustrated and Annoyed

Sometimes I just don’t understand my dis-ease.   I’ve had a good week, a great week for me.  I’ve even managed to get in some light exercise without the usual interruptions.  So, dear reader, you can understand why I was on a high and not expecting to have a flare.

I went to bed this morning, feeling fine actually, but found I couldn’t get to sleep.    Something was up, but I had no clue what.  Then, it started.   A small pain at first, not too bad, but it didn’t feel like it was going to get worse.   I was so very, very wrong.   By 9.30 a.m. I had taken pain killers, been up and down visiting the bathroom more times than I can count, and wondered if I would get any sleep.   I did, but it was interrupted a few times.

I woke to my first alarm at 14.00, utterly exhausted.   I turned the alarm off, then turned over and waited for the second alarm, but I didn’t get back to sleep.   Second alarm at 15.00:  I got up to prepare for work.   As soon as I stood up, I realised this episode hadn’t finished.   I had an immediate pain in my abdomen – stabbing, sharp, searing – it spread quickly, and by the time I got to the bathroom, the cramps kicked in, too, but there was no real eruption.  Add tenesmus to the symptoms.

I managed to shower and get ready for work, but as departure time drew near, the intensity increased, despite having taken my new favourite pain-killer, Co-Codamol.   The tension in my abdomen, combined with the pain and the cramps, gave me the feeling of a volcano waiting to explode.   I reluctantly called work and said tonight would be a miss.

I’m so angry, because I’ve only had two sick days this year and this is exceptional for me (and my dis-ease).  All that is now in tatters, because I’ve now got two sick days in one month.   It’s stupid, but I feel like crying.   Why?  Why, when I’ve had such a good week, and such a good work record this year?

Now, I’m writing this between interruptions, with the tension rising, but no relief apparently forthcoming, and another 24 hours without food.  I just know it’s going to get worse before it gets better, and I’m not looking forward to it.

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