Its one of those times when you feel like you’re not achieving anything; as though the road is a never-ending trudging exercise. I have a holiday coming up and I was looking forward to it before my car starting acting up (again, today), before I realised I have no jeans that aren’t ripped to shreds by the dog; I have no clothes that don’t have to be ironed; I can’t find my passport; I haven’t had time to read the guide books, I’m down for overtime every weekend until I leave, leaving me no time to organise anything, the flat needs a little more decluttering and I’ve only sold one of the hundred or so items I have listed at ebay meaning I’ve lost £15 (because of listing fees) that could have gone towards my holiday. My colitis hasn’t improved, despite upping my meds again, and I’m worried about the effect this will have on my fellow passengers and my ability to actually take the tour.
Everything seems to be going wrong and the holiday, rather than relieving the presssure, is adding to my stress. My bathroom needs redoing again, but I’m reluctant to leave my keys with my landlady while I am away, because I know she has a penchant for snooping and reading other people’s mail. I don’t want her going through my things over the course of 10 days. She keeps pressuring me for my holiday dates: “When are you going away again?“. Its not like I can afford to move, either.
I’ve also been thinking about my retirement and how, because of my current financial circumstances, I have not been contributing to a pension scheme. I don’t want to end up broke and broken in my old age, I want to be comfortable. At some point, I am going to have to go back to my advisors and tell them I need around £200 a month to contribute to a pension scheme. Given the time until I retire, even that might not be enough, as I have absolutely nothing to fall back on. My only assets are my books. Depressing thoughts I know, but I have to realistic. After all, it took me a whole year to pay for this holiday and I have very little extra funds for anything unexpected that might occur. I’ve also yet to pay for holiday insurance. I’m almost at the point of cancelling the whole trip.
I cancelled my dental appointment today, and will endeavour to reschedule it for August, but thats dependent upon my overtime going through later this month.
As can be seen, I’m not in a happy place. I just feel like I’m on a hiding to nowhere.